I hate the word Communication.

I sometimes hate the word communication. “I know what I mean, why should I have to express it differently to others.” Unfortunately not everybody knows how you work or operate, hence the need to communicate accurately and succinctly not only in language and theory but understanding as well. Communication has just as much to do with speaking, as it does to understanding the perception of the listener. In other words people do not just listen to what we say but respond to how we feel about them.

When you read the war time speeches of the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, you can see that he expressed in his words the feelings of the British people. He used words that epitomised how everybody viewed Mr Hitler. He did not only speak to his listeners minds, but to whom they were- the unconquerable British people.

I think that I am a great communicator, my wife thinks differently, sometimes we will discuss a point for hours only to come to the conclusion that we both agree on the same point. Something somewhere is lost in translation.

Church leaders have this exact same issue, they think they are communicating their point but in reality the result is often not what they want.  They then get upset because a programme or ministry is not moving in the direction that they want. They blame others, but the problem may be of their own making.

Recently I did a church audit, for a rapidly growing and dynamic church. I interviewed all the leaders, from the senior leader down to the home group leaders. I asked a simple question. What is the vision of the church? To my surprise, after being assured by the senior leader that everybody would know it, 40% of the leaders got it wrong. Why? The leaders that got it wrong didn’t get all the wording wrong, but the emphasis was different from what the senior leader wanted. Their perception on how the vision was to be outworked was different from that of the senior leadership and therefore different in their minds. Fortunately in this case this situation was easily rectified. But this goes directly to what I expressed in my first paragraph.

Here are ten pointers that I have picked up on how we as Great Church Leaders can become better communicators:

1)      Stop Talking, you cannot listen and understand if you are talking.

2)      Put the talker at ease, help people feel relaxed in your presence, not everybody is comfortable speaking to a senior leader.

3)      Show the person that you want to listen. Look and act interested, do not keep looking at your watch or your PA. Do not go onto Face Book or Twitter on your Mobile/Cell phone.

4)      Remove distractions, close your door, clear your desk unless you have to take notes, and don’t doodle.

5)      Empathise with them; try to put yourself in their place to understand where they are coming from.

6)      Be patient; don’t start walking to the door. Remember number two.

7)      Hold your temper. If it is a contentious issue don’t suddenly go off ‘half cocked’ an angry person gets the wrong meaning from words.

8)      Go easy on argument and criticism. People become defencive when we criticise, even if we win the argument we may lose the person. Whatever you do, do not say things like; “I am saying this in love” or “you must understand that we here at the church love you but I feel you are wrong” These statements say the exact opposite, the person doesn’t feel loved or understood. These saying can be used in different contexts.

9)      Ask Questions, the more questions you ask the more the person will feel you are listening. Encourage them to develop points further.

10)   Stop talking, you have two ears and one mouth, encourage yourself to listen twice as much as you speak.

If we must be honest with ourselves we all need to work on our communication skills.