I sometimes hate the word communication. “I know what I mean,
why should I have to express it differently to others.” Unfortunately not
everybody knows how you work or operate, hence the need to communicate accurately
and succinctly not only in language and theory but understanding as well.
Communication has just as much to do with speaking, as it does to understanding
the perception of the listener. In other words people do not just listen to
what we say but respond to how we feel about them.
When you read the war time speeches of the British Prime Minister
Winston Churchill, you can see that he expressed in his words the feelings of
the British people. He used words that epitomised how everybody viewed Mr
Hitler. He did not only speak to his listeners minds, but to whom they were-
the unconquerable British people.
I think that I am a great communicator, my wife thinks
differently, sometimes we will discuss a point for hours only to come to the
conclusion that we both agree on the same point. Something somewhere is lost in
translation.
Church leaders have this exact same issue, they think they
are communicating their point but in reality the result is often not what they
want. They then get upset because a
programme or ministry is not moving in the direction that they want. They blame
others, but the problem may be of their own making.
Recently I did a church audit, for a rapidly growing and
dynamic church. I interviewed all the leaders, from the senior leader down to
the home group leaders. I asked a simple question. What is the vision of the
church? To my surprise, after being assured by the senior leader that everybody
would know it, 40% of the leaders got it wrong. Why? The leaders that got it
wrong didn’t get all the wording wrong, but the emphasis was different from
what the senior leader wanted. Their perception on how the vision was to be
outworked was different from that of the senior leadership and therefore
different in their minds. Fortunately in this case this situation was easily rectified.
But this goes directly to what I expressed in my first paragraph.
Here are ten pointers that I have picked up on how we as
Great Church Leaders can become better communicators:
1)
Stop
Talking, you cannot listen and understand if you are talking.
2)
Put the
talker at ease, help people feel relaxed in your presence, not everybody is
comfortable speaking to a senior leader.
3)
Show the
person that you want to listen. Look and act interested, do not keep
looking at your watch or your PA. Do not go onto Face Book or Twitter on your
Mobile/Cell phone.
4)
Remove
distractions, close your door, clear your desk unless you have to take
notes, and don’t doodle.
5)
Empathise
with them; try to put yourself in their place to understand where they are
coming from.
6)
Be patient;
don’t start walking to the door. Remember number two.
7)
Hold your
temper. If it is a contentious issue don’t suddenly go off ‘half cocked’ an
angry person gets the wrong meaning from words.
8)
Go easy
on argument and criticism. People become defencive when we criticise, even
if we win the argument we may lose the person. Whatever you do, do not say
things like; “I am saying this in love” or “you must understand that we here at
the church love you but I feel you are wrong” These statements say the exact
opposite, the person doesn’t feel loved or understood. These saying can be used
in different contexts.
9)
Ask
Questions, the more questions you ask the more the person will feel you are
listening. Encourage them to develop points further.
10)
Stop
talking, you have two ears and one mouth, encourage yourself to listen
twice as much as you speak.
If we must be honest with ourselves we all need to work on
our communication skills.
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