Emotional Intelligence in Church Leaders.
Some years ago I read a great book called “The Psychology of
Military Incompetence” in it the author discussed the reasons why Generals -
who on the face of it - were Britain’s greatest military minds failed. These
very same Generals were responsible for some of the greatest military blunders
and defeats ever to occur in the history of warfare. The author then asked the
question why. Why did these highly efficient, much loved by the public, highly
decorated men, get themselves into such positions, that left not only their
army defeated but themselves defeated, forlorn, and their careers in ruins.
There were a number of issues that led to the downfall of
these men. However, for the sake of brevity, I believe that it was primarily their
inability to relate to, respond to and react with other people that led to
their demise. In other words their emotional intelligence (EQ) was the issue. EQ
is the ability to be aware of the feelings and emotions of others and to use
these to the greatest effectiveness for the benefit of all concerned.
Over the last few years since reading this book, I have had
reason to ask the same questions, that this author asked of the Generals he
studied, not only of myself but of church leaders and pastors.
I have the utmost respect for pastors who can build and
maintain a congregation of 150. It is a great achievement. However this number
is based and built upon a pastor’s ministry gifting alone. Many are satisfied
with this number and are happy to go through their pastoral careers believing
that they have had a modicum of success. But by following and working on some
simple leadership principles they can increase and fill their Emotional Intelligence
tanks, build their leadership abilities and see their congregation numbers
double to 300 to 350 in size, if not even more.
Here is a partial list of why the generals failed and why by
learning these lessons we as Church Leaders and Pastors can overcome these
things and see real and positive things happen in our congregations.
1) Fundamental Conservatism:
On another social media page a friend lamented the fact that
there were too many churches that were using, strobe lighting, smoke machines,
loud music and professional worship bands to build their churches and there was
not enough of good old fashioned preaching and Holy Spirit ministry. I must
confess to thinking that reading between the lines there was a tinge of jealousy
on the part of my friend to a lack of success in his own particular ministry.
However I believe that it is his own conservatism that is preventing him seeing
the whole picture. I belong to one of these churches that he describes. I would
describe it as vibrant, joyous, and relevant and a fast growing people focused
church. It has all the things that my friend mentioned, but it also has bible
centred preaching and an appeal for people to commit their lives to Christ is
always given. So what is the difference? I believe my friend is ministry focused
whereas my own church is Leadership focused. My friend’s fundamental
conservative background (the same as my own I might add) prevents him from
putting aside outworn traditions and profiting from the successful experiences of
others. Our beliefs are the same, and these are not negotiable, but leadership
not ministry builds churches. Holy Spirit led ministry builds people. We need
both.
2) A tendency to overestimate ones abilities:
This in part goes directly to the ministry/leadership
debate. Too many pastors, do too much, with too little understanding or
expertise. Your ministry is what helps you pray for people, it is what helps
and defines your preaching and its success. It is the Holy Spirit driver that
sees you long for the lost to come to Christ. It is not your ability to
influence others, or facilitate their ministries or build relationships to
develop their leadership abilities. This is leadership. This is only increased
when we develop our own skills and abilities through making an effort to
increase our own intellectual abilities. We all know that men in general read
far less than women do. But I am always amazed at how little pastors read or
know what is happening in the world of current affairs. Or in understanding
modern cultural trends in their own communities. Church leaders and Pastors
often fail because they over estimate their own abilities. They do not
recognise the abilities and expertise of others and do nothing to develop
themselves. They rely solely on their Ministry to see them through.
3) A tendency to find excuses:
Many of the Generals in the book mention failed because they
lost sight of the objectives and saw only the problems. When they failed they
blamed others, had capable officers removed and replaced by less capable men,
when all the time it was because they themselves were trying to solve every
problem and issue rather than focusing on the objective. Church leaders fail
because rather than focus on the vision and its goal they look and see all the
problems. Rather than let more capable people deal with the problems they
become embroiled in them. Many times it is because of the reason already
mentioned in the last point. Rather than go round or over the problem they bang
their heads against its wall. People leave churches not because of a difference
in doctrine but because there is a fundamental difference in philosophy.
However if there is an “All in it together” attitude and all leaders are sold
on the vision objective then all see it the same way as the leader. Problems
then become the issue of the expert and the group rather than the leader and
their weaknesses.
4) Indecisiveness and an abdication of leadership:
If you are the leader, be the leader, do not abdicate your
position because of the pressures of others. Be decisive even if you don’t have
all the facts, still be decisive. Don’t try and second guess yourself make a decision
be decisive about it, you can always adapt as time goes on. Indecisiveness can
lead to a feeling of uncertainty and can make others feel uncomfortable. Even
when the right decision is made people learn not to trust you. This can result
in the leader becoming paranoid about their position that will lead them to
eventually self destruct. Remember though to balance your decisiveness against
the relationships that you are building. Self centeredness destroys it never
builds.
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